Wow, I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I’ve posted on here! The last time I wrote a post was shortly before I went off to college, and re-reading it from where I am now brings both tears of joy and sadness to my eyes. Joy because of the good place that I’m in right now and sadness for that girl who left for college with virtually no friends to fall back on from her past. I am happy to say that that is no longer the case. Some the people that I have met over these last five months have changed my life forever and it’s hard to imagine that I was able to live without them before. I have met some of my best friends and I feel closer to them than with anyone else I’ve ever known. I can already say that college is my favorite chapter in my life thus far. Looking back on high school makes me wonder how I even made it out of there alive. I wasn’t terribly bullied or anything during high school, most of the harm and hate came from within. I remember hating myself and hating my school so much to the point that I was borderline suicidal and just didn’t know how much more I could take. Isolation, that is. I have felt isolation throughout my entire life. Although I’ve always had a group of friends to turn to, I always felt alone. People in those groups would always separate into smaller groups and somehow I would always be the odd one out. It’s kind of like how you can feel alone in a big room full of people. It’s hard to explain if you’ve never felt it for yourself. I remember I would fake illnesses and I missed nearly 20 days of school my senior year just because I couldn’t stand to be in that building, constantly being judged and feeling so damn insecure about myself. I would walk into a room with kids I’ve gone to school with for nearly four years and feel like everyone was staring at me and felt like I never belonged anywhere. Even within my own friend group. I’ve only kept in touch with a couple of them and even that is surprising to me. Losing friends is not as big a deal for me as it used to be. I guess that because I know that I have friends at my college who will be there for me no matter what and always have my back.So, long story short, college is amazing and the people I’ve met are even better. And to any kids out there who felt like me throughout high school and even middle school, TRUST ME…it does get better, please believe me, I’ve been in your shoes. And I finally have somewhere where I feel I belong…18 years later…and I finally found my place in this world…and I couldn’t be happier!
Peace & Love, AvaKate